'Then there was the time I (unknowingly) became a lesbian...'
From the upcoming comic memoir 'The Wrong End of the Table: an Immigrant Love Story.'
No More Coffee-Shop Aliases for Me
This is the first time I've given my real name at Starbucks Usually I use the easier to pronounce "Casey," but following the company's very pro-refugee, pro-immigrant stance, it just seems rude to use an alias.
If I had a time machine...
Look at this little hipster kid- cute right?
Only she didn't think so. She hated how her hair was asymmetrical and her bangs flat. She wanted blonde ringlets.
Recently, the producer of a prominent national podcast approached me about whether I had any life regrets I could share. First thing to come to mind is "I regret not having a happier childhood" - not because anything horrible happened. I'm lucky in that regard. But I felt so terribly out of place as an #iraqi#immigrant growing up in #kentucky I SO wanted to fit in which to me meant looking and sounding like everyone else.
Thankfully these days the world is much more diverse and kids are braver and more worldly.
I'd like to go back and hug this awkward kid and give her a thumbs up. And if there are any little kids who feel like this right now, I'll give you a hug too, no time machine needed.
Day 2, Using Real Name at Cafe.
She said, "Ayser, your order's ready."
And I felt seen like never before.
This was before I had to go to daily speech therapy to practice properly saying my 'Rs'
The Most Romantic Gesture Ever
"He 'made' me this personalized bike name plate since none actually exists."
From my forthcoming book "The Wrong End of the Table: An Immigrant Love Story"
The problem with dating in an online age...
When you're the child of Arab parents
No matter how old you get, every conversation with your siblings begins with "Don't tell Mom or Dad but..."
Day 3, REAL NAME GIVEN AT STARBUCKS
...Barista might have been too focused on this azure blue cup.
If I were the kind of person who had a bumper sticker on my car it would say, "I'd rather be in the poppies." ... or maybe ' My other car is a broom." -- but that's a whole OTHER story...
IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
Okay... so here's the story with this one -- it LOOKS like I'm rolling my eyes, completely not interested. NOT SO: truth is I get emotional at weddings so this was me distracting myself so I would not cry. Because it would be an ugly cry and ruin my friend's wedding photo.
"Take the picture Mom! The sun is in our eyes!"
To Mom, who constantly made us pose for photos because one day we would be grateful for the memories. Thank you, Mom! This one's a keeper.
It's the first day of school here- not sure what grade, but as would be a trend for several years after, we were the new kids in school - but hey, we have coordinating outfits and Trapper Keepers!
Dear Diary/ My 13-Year-Old Self
Pulled out my 13-yo diary to share w/my niece. I had a lot of boy drama back then. "I hope he moves away so I forget about him forever"
The girl in this photo is totally up to no good.
"I was an only child til this blob arrived. Pretty sure I'm plotting his demise here. And by demise I mean I probably pinched him... Just enough to show him who's boss... also I threw part of his beloved blankie out of a moving car window on a winter's road trip through Oklahoma. ... what? Too mean?!
Like you haven't done anything like that... #pissoff Anyway, our rift didn't last and soon we became best buds... especially after our new baby sister came along..."
Excerpt from my upcoming book "The Wrong End of the Table."
For anyone who's had a baby sibling they were jealous of, or who has kids like this... the struggle is real ya'll.
Even octopus COOKIES are shifty.
... look at that jerk trying to crawl off the plate. Stay centered, Octopus!
"Why so serious?" "You're too pretty to look so sad!" "You've got thick beautiful hair. Count your blessings "
This morning I discovered new stripes in my closet.
HINT: not on the right. #theresacatinthere#catsinclosets
ACTION SHOT -- GRATITUDE
This has been the weirdest week in my professional life but on this day I managed to relish the small delights - this cupcake, my octopus ring, a peekaboo bear & the badass women in my life. You know who you are and I love you all ♥️🐙🙌🏻🍰
My So Called Rom-Com Life
STEP ONE: TO WRITE A ROM-COM, YOU NEED A GOOD PLAYLIST TO GET INTO THE MOOD. Yeah it’s eclectic but I swear it really works.
DAY 7- ROM-COM MOMENTS. They stood together on the pier watching the waves crash in. “Look!” She bent down to pick up an old rusted key by their feet. “The key to our love,” he said as he took it from her. He thought for a moment then reeled back and tossed the key out. Right into the ocean. “Now we’ll always know where it is.” She smiled, touched by how romantic this gesture was. Then she frowned slightly. What if someone lost that key? Or what if it knocked out some poor delicate sea fauna when it was chucked into the sea. She sighed.
1) Why the hell were you awake at 4:20 am? 2) Did you really think you’d nail down the being mature thing that early? Because I can tell you, decades later it’s still not quite here. 3) you missed a whole joke in the 4:20 reference. You really WERE a nerd.
Okay, so here’s the deal; I hate having my photo taken
I know it seems otherwise since I post photos of me a lot (that and my cats, which they said to stop doing for some reason...)
But it’s really NOT fun for me to have my photo taken. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen great photos of me. Most of those were taken when I wasn’t aware. It’s the ones where I’m supposed to pose that are the worst. Last night I went to an event & walked on one of those red carpet ‘step and repeat’ things & I tried posing the way you’re supposed to, to give the camera your best angle - I ended up looking like some weird warped human teapot.
I hate photos of myself but I have a book coming out soon and I gotta get used to doing stuff like this. I don’t know if I will ever get used to it. But I’ll keep trying I guess...
Maybe I should hire a ghost photographer to follow me and snap pix when I’m not looking — but like, NOT paparazzi style... more like Presidential photographer. Side note - apparently this means I secretly want to be president. Second side note: Remember all those great shots of Obama in office? I miss that guy. ... BUT I DIGRESS.